I have always prided myself on false beliefs. Well, its now that i realise that they are false. I didn't knew earlier.
I used to think that i can 'live' all alone on an island with no problem. I used to pride my assumed 'ability' to be able to live all by myself, of being kinda anti-social. It took just a month to realize how false and baseless these beliefs were.
The truth is, i can 'survive", but i cannot 'live" that way.
I never used to miss anyone. Or perhaps i did. Just that i didn't allow my conscious mind to acknowledge it. No more pretensions.
The same activities which were fun a few months back have lost all their charm. The same cooked dishes don't taste the same. The same music dosen't sound the same.
I remember the 'yellow' magical nights. I remember strolling in the lobby of my hostel at night, seeing the closed doors of rooms with my friends sleeping inside. Why don't the nights feel the same?
To realize that i miss 'talking' to people, that i miss 'eating' with people, that i miss 'hanging out' with people, seems startling. Me? I could never have imagined that it could come to this. And in just a month? And then, confessing it bluntly???
Nothing comes for free in this world. You pay price. So am i, paying in pursuit of dreams. I hope the dreams remain the same, when i am able to turn them to reality.
I don't feel like writing anymore. So i'll end it here.
16 comments:
Having read his confession has actually made ne believe stronger than ever that I know the real Abhishek Jain, I actually had this discussion with lots of our friends as to whether he is not fond of his friend's company, will he miss his friends once no one is around??? and I always told them he will , although there was no-body to support me nor did I have enough evidnce to support my statement but now that I have his confession statement I would like to ask my friends...What say now??? Anyways dost as u have just said that you are paying a price for your dream, i sincearly believe that u will surely attain ur dream coz hard work and devotion never go waste and my best wishes r always wid u......
is it an acknowledgement staing that your subconscious has finally managed to subdue your conscious ? but do you miss people or eating with them, you miss talking or the people you talked to, you mis hanging out....the fun or the people you had it with.......if your answer is the former....you are still a loner ma boy.
i wish you realize those dreams.....but dream vivid and different....so that you life may never loose purpose........................................................................
you know where to find me! :D
@anonymous: Its an acknowledgement of what has been there in the subconscious and was subdued by the conscious all my life.
I guess i miss both, the people and the time spent with them.
I just hope the dreams "remain the same => retain the colors to drive me. No problem with them having different form".
And i honestly don't know where to find you!
good ....that you dont
ciao
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@anonymous: I'm now actually curious to know your identity.
i know.......
howz is life? recently i found a source for pav bhaji and boy i was more than glad......you must be having similar nostalgic experiences :)
ciao
@anonymous: yea, at times.
so it seems u intend to remain anonymous, huh?
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Hey just bumped into your blog at random and saw that you have really written a lot recently. I remember your blog earlier used to be almost a blank sheet :) Well I cudn't read all of it but whatever I read I liked! Good going!
@ritu: well most of it is actually old writing. Have written just 1 post in last 4 months :)
It's so unusual to see honest thoughts articulated so straightforwardly while in worklife ... reaadin it was a pleasure ... for the sheer, blunt, truth reflected in it ....
Gr8 !
Tc
@kapil: thanks.
Indeed i was amazed at myself for coming up with "sheer, blunt truth" :)
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