Saturday, November 25, 2006

short story.

I came across this short story on Rediff. Author: Sumit Bhattacharya

In my house lies an old bass guitar with its frets knocked off. My friend Liby left it at my place a week before he died.

He was soft-spoken, did not smoke or drink -- not even coffee. He never came to anyone's house without a gift -- a packet of chips, some nice bread, a fruit juice pack, some cake. He was never without a smile.

That day he just came with the bass.

He could not carry the guitar. He had the auto driver bring it up. I was rather surprised. I did not know.

I first met Liby a couple of years ago. We were both music-starved. We had both given up playing to earn an easier life -- he as a freelance graphic designer, me as a word worker. We were both desperate to play music; what kind did not matter. We were both crazy about jazz-rock, and we both loved Jaco Pastorius, the man who had first knocked off the frets of his Fender Jazz to revolutionize the bass guitar -- and music -- with his sound.

And Liby was a Raelian -- part of a cult that believes extraterrestrial beings created life on earth and that cloning is a way to live forever.

That was the only thing out of the ordinary about Liby. Apart from his soulful bass playing.

I was meeting him that day after about two months. He looked scary. I asked him what was wrong. He said he was ill. I asked him if he had seen a doctor, if he had got some tests done. They don't know, he said. He was recovering, he said.

I wasn't convinced. I wanted to know what had happened. It was evident something had.

I did not know Liby very well. All I knew was that he gave guitar lessons and freelanced for some small advertising agencies. All I knew was that he lived alone and his father and brother lived somewhere in the city. All I knew was that I loved his bass playing.

We would play together on most weekends. My stuttering computer, me and him. Sometimes, we would record. And name the tunes. I called one of mine Rusty Strings, he wrote Lament for the Third World. We would talk about finding a drummer and recording the tunes properly in a studio. How we could go about making people listen to them. I put up a couple of the poorly home-recorded tunes on the Internet. Some people even liked them, thanks to shameless self-promotion.

That day, Liby was not himself. He was impatient, almost aggressive. He even found something wrong with the food. He usually loved my wife's cooking, and ate heartily every time he came to our house.

He was just talking a lot. He wanted to play a concert, fast. I told him I was going to New York on work. He almost chided me for wasting time.

I was more worried about his health. I was worried he was not earning enough money and that he could not afford to see a doctor. I wondered how to offer to take him to one. I did not know him too well; we did not speak too much about anything but music.

He left the guitar behind, despite me telling him again that I would be away for three months. I patted his shoulder and told him to take care.

In New York, I saw a great Jaco Pastorius t-shirt. I wanted to buy one for Liby. I didn't, I don't know why.

When I got back last week, I called him. I wanted him to come over and check out the dream guitar I had bought in New York. But his phone said 'out of service.'

Then I got a call from a mutual friend Atin, who told me Liby had died. He had been living with HIV since 1999.

"Oh AIDS." I can hear underlines in people's voices when I hear the words now.

If only they knew Liby. If only they had heard him play.

In my house lies his bass, with the frets knocked off. I think I need to get it restrung.


Monday, October 23, 2006

Confessions...


I have always prided myself on false beliefs. Well, its now that i realise that they are false. I didn't knew earlier.

I used to think that i can 'live' all alone on an island with no problem. I used to pride my assumed 'ability' to be able to live all by myself, of being kinda anti-social. It took just a month to realize how false and baseless these beliefs were.

The truth is, i can 'survive", but i cannot 'live" that way.

I never used to miss anyone. Or perhaps i did. Just that i didn't allow my conscious mind to acknowledge it. No more pretensions.

The same activities which were fun a few months back have lost all their charm. The same cooked dishes don't taste the same. The same music dosen't sound the same.

I remember the 'yellow' magical nights. I remember strolling in the lobby of my hostel at night, seeing the closed doors of rooms with my friends sleeping inside. Why don't the nights feel the same?

To realize that i miss 'talking' to people, that i miss 'eating' with people, that i miss 'hanging out' with people, seems startling. Me? I could never have imagined that it could come to this. And in just a month? And then, confessing it bluntly???

Nothing comes for free in this world. You pay price. So am i, paying in pursuit of dreams. I hope the dreams remain the same, when i am able to turn them to reality.

I don't feel like writing anymore. So i'll end it here.

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Butterfly


This is gonna b the most difficult writing. I m so scared to do injustice to the feelings. The 3 of u, who will forever be in my memory for this experience, this post is for all of u.....

Friday, June 23rd, it began. A long anxious bus journey followed by a real scare, "where is she?". It was my responsibility to make sure she dosen't face ne problems. But then, my Dad would have been so proud of me had i been that responsible.

A toast of french wine marked the proceedings in the most befitting manner.

I shall use these few words as beads and thread them up, for they precisely define this memorable experience of mine. I have to be so very careful u see, a little mistake, and i'll curse myself.

'Mesmerizing' is the first word. Hats off to all those wonderful painters and sculptures. I did not need any prior knowledge of art to appreciate the sheer beauty and experience the resulting weakening. If musee d'orsay was mesmerizing, louvre was captivating. Damn, no comparisons. Its a sin. Moreover, i had the company of an extremely enthusiastic n wonderful 'guide'.

'Subtle' comes next. "Be not inhospitable to strangers, lest they be angels in disguise". Ne1 who visits this Book Store called the 'Shakespeare and Co', cannot forget this quotation in his lifetime. It was so unnoticeable from a distance that we were asking about its whereabouts, standing just a few metres away from it at Notre Dam. It felt like a sacred place to me. I was too scared to put a wrong foot on some holy object. I might sound stupid, but thats how it was for me. The creaky stairs, the grey typewriter, the touching letters, the smell of old wood... this place is "haven " (i cannot find another suitable word). Many people will agree to this. Atleast i'm sure of a few.

'Ecstasy' is the next bead. U need to stand on the Eiffel Tower, in the same light drizzle and breeze, to know what i mean. Add to it, a visit to one of the noisy bars at St. Michel, n u'll make it simply perfect.

'Great company' is the last 1. It is actually implicit for any memorable experience. The days flew so quickly, that i had to make deliberate attempt to quietly soak up some memories slowly.
The last evening at the Shisha bar was the perfect end to this remarkable journey. I was quiet, short of words, desperately wishing for the time to stop while my ears and eyes were functioning to their maximum, capturing each word n each expression of those 3 people sitting before me, drinking pipe. And those intermittent poem recitals. It was killing!

After a high comes a low. Since i have returned, my mind is so abundant with memories and thoughts that its difficult to do anything. Each moment is flashing before me in fast motion. And i simply cannot help to it.

There was this famous chinese guy who once dreamt of being a butterfly. When he woke up from the dream, he wasnt sure whether he had been dreaming of being a butterfly, or if he was actually a butterfly, dreaming of being a man. This perfectly marks my emotions today. "Was it a dream, or am in one?"

Paris, i will be back. Its a promise.

And finally, thanks to the 3 people, who turned this trip into an unforgettable experience.

Sunday, June 25, 2006

absent n random

I spent a few minutes to think a title for this post. But then i realied, i cant find any appropriate one. I dont know what i want to write. All i know is, i feel like writing.

There are these times when i write and publish posts imy mind. And then, later, i dont feel like reproducing them anywhere else. Moreover, these times are quite frequent. Today, i dont feel like publishing another post in my mind. I wann write, the only problem, i dont know what to write.

Did I mention that I m currently visiting Paris with 3 other people. I saw Louvre and Eiffel Tower today. I can see these 3 people sitting before me, seeing the pictures we took in the last 2 days.

My mind seems to be so full of thoughts. Its difficult to filter out a single stream to help me write a post.

People talk of symmetry n asymmetry in the world. Today i thought of a worth-while example of assymetry. It takes just a moment to hurt ne1, nd even a lifetime can prove insufficient to make ammends. Its unfair, aint it? newy, its not that i thought of this coz i offended sum1. It jus came random.

Most of the times i dont miss ne1 in this world. But at times, i do. But its not that i am missing sum1 rite now. I am just wondering why am i not.

Last few months have been a great time. I had a real bad time for a few months. Didnt get what i aimed for. Felt bad for sometime. But not really. Coz it dosent matter if i feel good or bad. Nothing would change. But then, how come i had a great time. I dont know, i just feel that this year, its been great. I hardly got anything going rite for me, but its not that everything went wrong. The things which went rite are enough to make it great.

Newy, i hear them calling me. I guess, i'll hafta finish this post.

Its time to get a drink nd probably have dinner.

And i'm naming this post, 'absent n random'.

Thursday, March 23, 2006

Magic of night


Quarter to 4 am. The playlist is hardly a list, boasting of the only entry "Yellow"... and there it stands in the middle of the hostel- the pole with the three lamps.. 'and they are all yellow'. The silence feels pleasantly defeaning.. with an occassional buzz of yahoo messenger somewhere far in the lobby. Every single night, I find myself asking the question, "Whats so special about night?". Tonight is no exception...

I've spent nights lying on the rooftop of my house watching the airplane disappear into the moon. I've spent nights gazing out of the window in the dark. I've spent nights sitting on the stairs looking into those eyes... I wouldn't bargain anyone's company for these hours of perfect solitude. But when i had company, I knew it wasn't a compromise.

Everything seems to get better at night. The cold breeze brings warmth. The starry patterns add sparkle to the mystical experience. Music, such an essential ingredient. And as the playlist displays "Speed of sound", i find myself transported to the narrow lanes, returning home from the office in Louvain-la-Neuve. It was the same song each night last year in summers. By the end of two and a half months, the basketball court and the primary school, the tennis court and the grocery store knew the song well. The i-pod wasn't required anymore.

"And when you see it then you understand"...

4:16 am. No more intrusions of messenger from the far. March 24th. Just a few days, and this would all be gone. All these guys, sleeping in their rooms wouldn't be so close. My voice would take longer to reach them. Scares me. But then, "everything is on its way to somewhere". Life changes with each passing moment, ain't it? Memories remain.

There's something though, i'm absolutely sure of. The magic of night would always be the same, for me, for you!

Monday, February 13, 2006

Untitled

Nothing seems to matter. The heart is trying hard to feel pain, coz it is bound to be there. Yet it fails miserably. The blur between the reality and the dream lasted only a few moments. The mind is amazed at the coldness of the heart. But, it does not want to ask any questions from anyone. Maybe God.

There are times when one feels - "how the hell could this happen?"When such times frequent someone a bit too often, many poor souls start loosing their faith in God, and more importantly, faith in themselves and end up in tatters. There are others though, who get convinced that fate is playing sinister designs and nothing can be done about it (other than seeking an astrologer, perhaps). Then there are those who are brave enough to go through both such phases and come out stronger and more determined, but only to realise that such times develop a special liking for some souls.

God: Life teaches lessons.
Soul: How many?
God: I want you to be strong.
Soul: I can take anything you have in offer. But where did i go wrong this time?
God: You didn't do any wrong. Just that there is something else in store for you.
Soul: Why does fate act like that?
God: Coz it is - fate.
Soul: You don't know anything.. you ain't no God.

The soul sees fate smiling at a distance. ...

Soul: No more questions, myLord. I wish to retire.